jOkeS'cOrner

Tough philosophy Exam

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:
"Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

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Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

wow...Oscar! a very strong joke..yes sometimes some women can be incredibly noisier than anything...

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There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping..
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*****abeille*****

PERFECT HUSBAND HUH?!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,500. Can I buy it?"
MAN: "OK, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models.I saw one I really liked - a little coupe.
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$68,000"
MAN: "For that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! One more little thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $750,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just offer $725,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up.
The other men are looking at him in astonishment with stark horror on their faces.
Then the man grins and asks: "Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?"

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A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."

The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!"

"Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down."

"That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?"

"Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says.

"Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says.

So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda."

"Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."

a joke to send to bush

An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the
Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000'"

The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
Ah, the mind of the Indian...where would this country be without them..........I wonder............

High Birth Rate





A little rural town had one of the highest birth rates in the country and this phenomenon attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; moved to town; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

"Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up."



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Teacher : Sam, Everybody is drawing. Why aren't you?
Sam : I have finished drawing. Here is my picture of a Cow and grass.

(Seeing the paper blank)

Teacher : But where is the grass?
Sam : The Cow has eaten it up.
Teacher : And where is the Cow?
Sam : Oh Teacher, It has gone to look for more grass.........

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

Crazy people talk
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

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CIA Job

A college graduate applied for a job at the Central Intelligence Agency. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.

As soon as the young man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the packet. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor."

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Un arabe, un catholique et un juif se discutent:
L'arabe commence:
- Mon dieu est le plus fort.L'autre jour j'étais dans un avion qui passait un
zone de turbulences.J'avais très peur. Alors j'ai prié mon dieu. J'ai dit 'Ô
Allah! fais s'il te plait que le calme revienne dans le ciel.' ... Et tout est
devenu tranquille.
Le catholique répond:
- Non, mon dieu est le plus fort.L'autre jour j'étais allé à la pêche et j'ai
été pris dans une tempête.J'avais très peur . Alors j'ai prié mon dieu. J'ai dit
'Ô Jésus! fais que le calme revienne sur la mer'. ... Et tout est devenu
tranquille.
Le juif rigole et dit alors:
- Ha , vous vous trompez tous les deux. Mon dieu est le plus fort: L'autre jour,
on était samedi . J'étais à la synagogue, et là, j'ai trouvé un portefeuille
bourré d'argent et de cartes de crédit. Mais je ne pouvais le toucher! J'avais
très peur. Alors j'ai prié mon Dieu. J'ai dit 'Ô YAHVÉ, FAIS S'IL TE PLAIT QUE
L'ON SOIT VENDREDI! '... Et on est devenu vendredi!