jOkeS'cOrner

The River


A preacher, completing a temperance sermon, spoke with great fervor! "If I had all the beer in the world, I’d throw it all into the river."

With greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d throw it all into the river."

And finally he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d throw it all into the river, too!"

As he took his chair, the song leader stood and announced with a smile, "For our closing hymn, let us sing number 365:"

"Shall We Gather at the River."
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*Shall We Gather At The River? (or simply At The River) is a traditional Christian hymn, written by American poet and gospel music composer Robert Lowry (1826-1899).it is also sung at funerals.

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=6Z3pMfCTQHU&feature=related

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=rtSbgdHH11Y&feature=related

Shall we gather at the river,
Where bright angel feet have trod,
With its crystal tide forever
Flowing by the throne of God?

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

On the margin of the river,
Washing up its silver spray,
We will talk and worship ever,
All the happy golden day.

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

Ere we reach the shining river,
Lay we every burden down;
Grace our spirits will deliver,
And provide a robe and crown.

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

At the smiling of the river,
Mirror of the Savior’s face,
Saints, whom death will never sever,
Lift their songs of saving grace.

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

Soon we’ll reach the silver river,
Soon our pilgrimage will cease;
Soon our happy hearts will quiver
With the melody of peace.

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

A Blind Man in Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, “Wow these mugs are big!” The bartender replied, “Everything is big in Texas.”

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, “Second door to the right.” The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, “Don’t flush*, don’t flush!”
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*flush :
to be emptied or cleaned by a rapid flow of water, as a toilet.
To clean, rinse, or empty with a rapid flow of a liquid, especially water: flush a toilet

The best one!!!
Gracias Med!!

thank youuuuuuuuu friend!
imagine a spouse like that!

The best one !!!
Gracias Med!

A Testing Question


This guy's wife asks, "Honey if I died would you remarry?"

He replies, "Well, after a considerable period of grieving, we all need companionship, I guess I would."

She says, "If I died and you remarried, would she live in this house?"

He replies, "We've spent a lot of time and money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house, I guess she would."

So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, would she sleep in our bed?"

and he says, "That bed is brand new, we just paid two thousand dollars for it, it's going to last a long time, I guess she would."

So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"

and he says, "Oh no, she's left handed ."

saidani miloudi

Apprentice Blacksmith





The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."

The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

thanks...well she only abides by his very medical rule !

Heart Surgeon



Jerry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Samuel Kaiser, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.

Jerry, who was somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey Kaiser. Is dat you? Come over here a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Jerry was working on the car. Jerry, in a loud voice that all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I too, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I'm finished, this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"

Dr. Kaiser, very embarrassed, shook his head and replied in a soft voice, "Try doing your work with the engine running."

Two Wishes Left



A man who spent a long, relaxing day with a few friendly bottles was meandering homeward, when he saw a man lying half-submerged in a ditch. With the courage of several bottles, and no hesitation, our hero jumped in, dragged the man out and shook him thoroughly.

When the man came to, he said, "Thank you for rescuing me. I'm not a normal man. I'm really a Genie. The last person who released me, hit me after making but one wish; you can have the two remaining wishes."

Our man had no difficulty in accepting his good fortune, and thought long and hard for about two seconds. "I'll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs empty." The Genie waved a hand and a full bottle appeared.

The man took a big gulp or ten, squinted carefully at the bottle and saw that it was still as full as it was when it first appeared.

"Wonderful!" he said, "Give me another one of those."

Don't Like It



A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law, "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."