shOrt jOkes

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Contacts

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says :

"Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."

The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."

The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Direct Line

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says,

"I've got news for you - You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts,

"Good heavens, I'm on the wrong bus!"

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Diagnosis

A patient complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."

The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then they'll see that I was right."

Admin Nombre de messages : 13504 Date d'inscription : 02/02/2008

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him.
Do you understand me?
Son: No.

Admin Nombre de messages : 13504 Date d'inscription : 02/02/2008

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Just Like Dad

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Good and Bad News

The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."

Dan said, "Give me the good news."

"They're going to name a disease after you."

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Self Defense

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense.

After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?"

The student replied, "BIG ones."

poète Nombre de messages : 975 Date d'inscription : 12/10/2008

short jokes for class group work activities.
Thanks Chennoufmed.

s.milou

Quelle est la plus petite prison du monde ?
Le cerveau d'un homme, il n'y a qu'une seule cellule.

Definition of cigarette:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in a paper with fire at one end, and a fool at the other.

Hat Shop

In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger."

"Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"

Bill had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in unison:

"Okay, Dad, you get the toy."

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

A man was bragging* about his sister who disguised herself, as a man and joined the army.

"But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"

"Sure," replied the man.

"Well, won't they find out?"

"And who's gonna tell?"
--------------
to brag: to boast (fr.se vanter)

Artists' Canvas

I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.

Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"

Me: "Certainly, what width?"

Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Uh, Scissors?"

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him.
Do you understand me?
Son: No.

"Why do you take baths in milk?"
"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

A Sheikh's son goes to Germany for study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:

" Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."

Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar cheque saying:

"Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.."

SOLDIER : SIR WE ARE SURROUNDED FROM ALL SIDES BY ENEMIES ,
MAJOR : EXCELLENT ! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
Is it mine?

what is your birth date?
idiot: 13th October
Which year?
idiot: ... EVERY YEAR

A Noise...

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.

She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight."

"That'll teach them!" I replied.

-How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
-His lips are moving.

Wrong Way

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

The Sponge

In the doctors office two patients are talking.

"You know, I had an appendectomy last month and the doctor left a sponge in me by mistake."

"A sponge!" exclaims the other. "Does it hurt much?"

"No...no pain at all," says the first, "but...boy, do I get thirsty!"

"May I go swimming, Mommy?"

"No, you may not. There are sharks here."

"But Daddy's swimming."

"He's insured."

The first morning after the honeymoon, the husband got up early, went down to the kitchen, and brought his wife her breakfast in bed. Naturally, she was delighted.

Then he spoke: "Have you noticed just what I have done?"

"Of course, dear. Every single detail!"

"Good. That's how I want my breakfast served every morning."

Man – I need poison
Chemist – Sorry Sir, I cannot sell you that
Man shows his wife’s photo
Chemist – Sorry sir, I didnt know you had a prescription.

Question: What do a woman, a tornado and a hurricane have in common?
Answer: They all get the house!

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”

The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

Teacher : "Now if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"

Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

» mOre jOkes
» jOkeS'cOrner
» SchOOL jOkeS...
» Ramadan jokes
» shOrt pOem_chennOufmed