shOrt jOkes

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Wrong Way

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

The Sponge

In the doctors office two patients are talking.

"You know, I had an appendectomy last month and the doctor left a sponge in me by mistake."

"A sponge!" exclaims the other. "Does it hurt much?"

"No...no pain at all," says the first, "but...boy, do I get thirsty!"

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

"May I go swimming, Mommy?"

"No, you may not. There are sharks here."

"But Daddy's swimming."

"He's insured."

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

The first morning after the honeymoon, the husband got up early, went down to the kitchen, and brought his wife her breakfast in bed. Naturally, she was delighted.

Then he spoke: "Have you noticed just what I have done?"

"Of course, dear. Every single detail!"

"Good. That's how I want my breakfast served every morning."

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Man – I need poison
Chemist – Sorry Sir, I cannot sell you that
Man shows his wife’s photo
Chemist – Sorry sir, I didnt know you had a prescription.

Admin Nombre de messages : 13504 Date d'inscription : 02/02/2008

Question: What do a woman, a tornado and a hurricane have in common?
Answer: They all get the house!

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”

The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Teacher : "Now if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"

Student : "Brotherly love".

Admin Nombre de messages : 6208 Date d'inscription : 08/01/2007

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

hhhhhhhhhhhhh

Cool Wink

[b]

Doctor : Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife : When must I give them to him?
Doctor : They are for you.

A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27.
She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him that the room is empty.
“Good,” says the man. “That means I must have really escaped.”

a wife was sleeping peacefully suddenly she woke up crying and screaming
the husband what s the matter baby
the wife i dreamed that a rich man has kiddnaped me from you
the husband so why are you still crying it s just a dream
...the wife that s why i m crying

The Jury
A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that a jury had found the defendant not guilty.

Astonished, he asked the jury foreman, "How could you possibly have found this man innocent?"

The foreman replied, "Insanity."

The perplexed prosecutor asked, "All twelve of you?"

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."

The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."

The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

Doctor's Guarantee

"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."

"Was he successful?"

"Yup, I had to sell my car to pay his bill."

Mr. Kramer had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.

Mr. Kramer scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!"

Hat Shop

In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger."

"Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"

Manyana

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"

The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.

"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency," replied Brennan.

A father was playing with his daughter when the little one said: "Dad, I read in school that animals get a new fur coat every winter."

"Quiet!" retorted the father. "Your mother is in the next room!"

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